Graphics by Meagan Malone
With as many Harry Potter references as there are in Supernatural, mostly thanks to Charlie, I can’t be the only one that lays awake at night thinking of which house each character would be in. The fanart that floods Tumblr on the subject, I feel agrees with me on the amount of obsession this fandom has with the ‘sorted’ culture of characters in popular stories. So here goes nothing.
WARNING: Spoilers for CW’s Supernatural ahead.
Gryffindor: Bravery, Nerve, Daring
Fighting just to achieve a goal while losing sight of the trials along the way could be a Gryffindor motto. Dean is definitely the sort to lose sight of the small picture when fighting for a good cause.
The need to prove herself makes Jo especially daring. But more than that, she puts bravery and the needs of others above herself in a way that makes Gryffindor a perfect fit.
Rufus is a class-A hunter, by the book and always fighting. The kind of person that goes down in a blaze of glory, fighting for what he believes in with no regrets.
The leader who always fights the good fight. He’ll always be there to back you up even if you’re being an idjit, and he would run into the mouth of Hell if he thought it was the right thing to do.
Adam feels an intense need to be a part of something larger than himself. More than that, he wants to protect his family at all costs, even if he’s just now met them.
If Ben could be a knight in shining armor he would. Maybe it’s because Dean is his father figure is for a majority of his life. Still, this kid has some ‘throw caution to the wind’ charisma about him that just screams red and gold.
Some Gryffindors aren’t as brave as others. Some just want their place in the sun and they’ll take whatever stupid risks and tell whatever lies to get there. But they won’t sacrifice their morals. They’ll do it with friends at their side and a catch phrase on their lips.
Sometimes the ends don’t justify the means. But that’s not how most Gryffindors see it, and that’s certainly not how John sees it. Killing monsters is the most important thing - more than anything.
Ravenclaw: Intelligence, Creativity, Individuality
Sometimes the whole family fits in one house. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sam’s Winchester name certainly gives him the bravery of a Gryffindor, but it’s his intelligence and thirst for knowledge over daring that sets him apart from Dean and puts him with the blue and bronze.
Having your entire world turned upside down in an instant would rattle most, but Anna has such a strong head on her shoulders that she immediately compartmentalizes, and moves on. That level head sets her apart from most of the other angels.
Being logical and forthcoming is what gave Zachariah such a high seat in heaven. Levelheaded and quick-witted he knows what to do to get what he wants, and more often than not, is a step ahead of everyone else.
While she always thought she was doing good, Naomi was too methodical to see the heart of the people in front of her. She focuses on the facts more than the soul of the problem. That’s what gets her in trouble, but what also makes her a manipulative genius.
A hacker with a gift for coding and a love of Star Trek trivia? Don’t tell me this nerd-tastic lady doesn’t belong here among the quick-witted and masterminds. Though she might like Hermione best, I wouldn’t have her in any other house.
This should come as little surprise. Advance placement with a need to learn everything he can puts Kevin with the like-minded individuals of Ravenclaw. Though one of the braver ones by far.
Becky is a clear example of someone who is so loyal and kind and accepting that she’s almost a Hufflepuff, but she’s just too nerdy for that. When she finds something she cares about she’ll learn every single miniscule detail about it, and she doesn’t care who gets in her way
You thought he was gonna end up in Slytherin didn’t you? Not with his wit and his skill for writing and manipulation. Metatron is probably one of the worst people on the show, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t one of the smartest.
Hufflepuff: Dedication, Kindness, Tolerance
Is there any person more blindingly loyal than Castiel is to Dean? Someone more kind and dedicated? He should be the Hufflepuff poster boy, complete with head tilt. Plus someone who can inhale a burger like he can should definitely have a dorm next to the kitchens.
Another poster boy for blind loyalty, Benny shows us that someone who’s brave enough for Gryffindor, and cunning enough for Slytherin, can still wear the canary yellow and charcoal black just as proudly. Friendship and family is his foundation. Tolerance is his life.
People in Hufflepuff tend to be the nurturers. The people who care for others. The ones that will stick by your side but knock that whiskey out of your hand because ‘that’s your sixth one tonight slow down for god’s sake’.
Someone as fun loving as Gabriel deserves to be in a house where fighting and working hard are far from the main goal. He’ll raid the kitchens and bring some girls back to the common room on his way, while the others are dueling and studying. Who needs class when you have charisma?
Garth Fitzgerald IV
If anyone’s a superb finder, it’s Garth. When all the chips are down, he’ll put on a smile and figure out exactly where you need to be and what you need to have in your hand. He won’t even steal the glory from you. He’ll just wink awkwardly in the background.
Another nurturer but more on the hands off side. Jody is someone that will deal with your bullshit, and wants you to check in, but understands you need your distance. She won’t push it. But she will tell you to go to your room when you’re being ridiculous.
He means well. Dear lord, does he mean well. But Ash will always be that friend that you just want to hug. But he’ll be there for you with all the weird items you didn’t know you needed, before you need them. Wonderful finders, Hufflepuffs.
He may not know what’s going on all the time. But he’ll stick by you for it all. Not much of a fighter or very quick witted, but willing to learn and do whatever is asked of him.
Slytherin: Traditionalism, Cunning, Determination
If there’s anyone to prove that selfishness has no bounds it’s Bela Talbot. She bleeds emerald and silver. She’d also probably find a way to sell that silver. But can ya blame her? A tragic back-story will do that to a person.
A fallen angel, bent on proving himself to his family? Sounds Slytherin to me. Besides, when you want to rule the world, you tend to land yourself in the house of determination.
Bad guy turned good? Sounds like Zuko from The Last Airbender, and much like Zuko, I’m thinking she’s a Slytherin till the very end, regardless of where her loyalties end up. Plus she’s oddly obsessed with unicorns. You know who else was into unicorns? The Dark Lord. Coincidence?
Even bad guys turned good tend to hold true to their old ways. Crowley is no different. Someone who is cunning and manipulative for their own personal gain, rather than the good of the world. Crowley is a Slytherin through and through.
Not all Slytherin’s have bad intentions. Sometimes they just lose sight of some of the smaller things that get in the way of the bigger picture. Sometimes you have to step on a few people to get to the end goal, and Samuel is okay sacrificing almost anything to do that.
You know who doesn’t care who she sacrifices on her way to the top? This woman. Talk about a badass who knows what she wants; if this one isn’t obvious than I don’t know what you’re even doing reading this.
Another example of a good guy flying the Slytherin flag. Sometimes your siblings just don’t understand that you need to re-write history because of how much you despise a movie. Or that you need to send someone to an alternate universe for the common good of man. He’s just misunderstood. But he doesn’t care what you think anyway.
Ruby is a Slytherin the same way Blaise was a Slytherin. Cunning on her own, but much more fitting to follow someone else through the darkness. She’ll have your back, until she doesn’t.