There's something about heroes that's just cool. They're skilled, courageous, and always ready to kick some ass. But what would it be like to actually interact with them? See, what can be compelling on-screen for two hours at a time, might just get a little annoying in real life.
So Fanpup presents our list of characters who's heroics are undeniable...but who would be insufferable to hang out with.
Tony Stark (Iron Man, The Avengers)
Early in the first movie, Tony is late to his own plane departure, leaving his “friend” Rhodes waiting there. For three hours. With Rhodes clearly irked Tony walks past him onto the plane uttering this little gem.
“Waiting on you now!”
It’s nothing short of a miracle Rhodes (a Marine!) doesn’t beat Tony’s ass right then and there. Later on the flight Tony continues to push his luck by referring to Rhodes as ‘Sourpatch.' At this point there are two ways this friendship can end:
- Tony Stark is brutally murdered by Rhodes, surprising no one but Tony.
- Rhodes dies of an aneurism at age 45. For which Tony Stark feels no culpability.
But that was before Tony’s transformation into Iron Man! He’s a better person now, right? Maybe a slightly better person. But no less blind to normal-person consequences in life.
In The Avengers, with the titular heroes assembled aboard the Helicarrier, Tony Stark takes it upon himself to shock Bruce Banner with some mini cattle-prod device. Why he carries around said cattle prod is a mystery unto itself.
Character Flaw: Egomaniacal Rich Guy
Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games Films)
But she can also be a bit of a basket case.
At the end of the 75th annual Hunger Games in Catching Fire, the arena is destroyed and secret resistance members Haymitch Abernathy and Plutarch Heavensbee rush to save Katniss and the other contestants, nobly putting themselves in harm's way in the process. They mostly succeed, but in the chaos leave behind some heroes, including Peeta. When Katniss wakes up and learns a secret team of resistance members were looking after her well being, she naturally thanks them and resolves to help them fight for the oppressed people all across Panem.
Just kidding. she tries to claw Haymitch’s freaking eyes out. Why? Well, because in the middle of a battle where the good guys had maybe a couple minutes to grab people and go, Haymitch wasn’t able to find the guy Katniss kissed a couple times for the camera, and then actually meant to kiss once.
And lest we forget, when it comes to saving people, Katniss’s batting average isn’t exactly perfect.
But by Katniss-logic, Rue’s mother should be firing a gun at Katniss and screaming bloody murder saying “You didn’t save her! I’m gonna blame you instead of the people who actually made this happen.”
But she doesn’t, ‘cause apparently even a mother who recently watched her child’s murder-for-sport happen live on tv can keep it together better than our Mockingjay.
Katniss Everdeen, brave as hell, fiercely loyal and a resourceful young woman. But goddamn does she owe Haymitch an apology. Or maybe just a bottle of vodka. He’d probably take that too.
Character Flaw: Ungrateful-itis
Bryan Mills (Taken)
Oh yah, and his time in the CIA may have made him a bit Xenophobic.
Early on in the film Bryan’s somewhat-estranged daughter Kim asks him for permission to travel with her friend in France. Instead of being excited he raised such a well rounded daughter who seeks experiences outside her comfort zone, he reminds her of the terrible dangers, of France. You know, France, one of Europe’s most developed countries, a U.S. ally, and the world’s seventh largest economy. The place where nightmares come true.
Sure, Bryan’s initial reluctance looks pretty smart when his daughter gets kidnapped by sex-traffickers, but c’mon how many non-badasses have travelled around France unmolested? My guess is a lot. The fact is, Bryan is sort of a paranoid Xenophobe, but life coincidentally hands him a situation where his fear of travel plays out. But that doesn’t make him right.
If I walked around for a year pointing at everyone I saw calling them sex-traffickers, at some point I’d probably be right. Doesn’t mean I’m not still an asshole.
The worst part is, no one can argue with him now that his paranoid delusions have come true. If he’s at a family gathering where someone is gushing about their upcoming backpacking trip around Europe, Bryan can stand up point to his daughter and say, “Foreigners are dangerous. Especially the variety that prefer croissants.” And even though he’s statistically wrong, it’s pretty impolite to argue with a dad whose daughter was kidnapped AND sold into sex slavery.
And while he’s still a devoted dad to his daughter, he couldn’t give a rats ass about the safety of other perfectly alright daughters. After his little girl is taken he delivers this bad ass monologue to the kidnappers.
"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
So, if they let his daughter go he would just not give a hoot about the other girl? Not even take two seconds to phone an old CIA contact? How would he explain that to his daughter?
“Honey, I know she’s your friend. But I promised the bad men I’d let them sell her into sex slavery if they let you go. A man’s only as good as his word after all.”
Character Flaw: Paranoid Xenophobe
Did we miss any heroes who'd be a pain to hang out with? Sound off in the comments below.